The Flight of Severus Snape
by Elizabeth Lizeh
Summary: What happened after Snape apologized to Lily? What does he do next? What is left at Hogwarts for him when he's lost his only friend?


**A/N: I got the dialogue between Snape and Lily from Chapter 33 in the Deathly Hallows. Just so you know.**

** I'm not going to do a disclaimer, this is a **_**fanfiction.**_** Hence the "fan" part of the name.**

** Enjoy!**

Severus quietly crept up the last flight of Hogwarts stairs, heading towards the Fat Lady's portrait. Most of the castle was dark now, and cold, and everyone had been dismissed to their common rooms to get ready for bed, though nobody actually began to get ready for bed a few hours later. However, he, Severus, had not gone to his common room – he'd decided that he had some business to accomplish first.

When he reached the portrait, he crossed his arms in a determined fashion. The Fat Lady was sleeping – but it didn't matter to him. His hand was inches away from knocking on the painting to wake her up when her closed eyes flew open and her body jerked out of its sleeping position. After rubbing her eyes for a few moments, she shot him a furious glare. "I was sleeping!" she snapped. "Why did you have to come and wake me up? You're supposed to be in your common room – hey, you're not even in Gryffindor!"

He hardly listening to her as she told him off for waking her up; he had already made up his mind what he was going to do. He'd came to the portrait to wait. To wait until Lily came out to apologize.

He banged on the Fat Lady, and she shrieked in protest. "Oh, stop it! Stop it now, I say – how rude you are!"

Glancing at the Fat Lady in annoyance, he stepped backwards and sat down to wait. After several minutes of shouting that would wake the dead, the Fat Lady quieted and promptly fell back asleep.

It was horribly quiet as he sat, legs crossed, growing very impatient and a little bit anxious. Indeed, it felt like ages before someone came out to see who had been banging. As the portrait creaked open, Severus' heart skipped a beat. Lily?  
>His heart plummeted when he saw that it was just Lily's friend. Mary MacDonald stood in the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, her mouth in a very thin line and her hands on her hips. "What're you doing here, <em>Snivellus<em>? It's ten o'clock!"

Severus gave her a look that made it very clear that he did not want to see her. "Where's Lily? I want to talk with her."

"She's busy!" Mary MacDonald was returning him with a glare not very unlike his own. "Go away, we're trying to get to bed!"

"I'm going to sit here until she comes out. So, yes, I'll sleep here if-"

That was all he had to say, because Mary MacDonald whirled on her heel as he spoke, and didn't even bother closing the portrait behind her. "Fine, just promise to get lost when you're done speaking with Lily!"

A minute or so passed by, in which Severus could clearly hear some heated discussion through the slightly-opened entrance. Finally, a red haired girl stepped through the crack that was the doorway to the Gryffindor common room. Her hands were in fists so tight that they were a grayish-white. Instead of being intimidated by this show of anger, though, Severus felt a surge of hope.

"I'm sorry," he said, making it sound as earnest as possible.

For a second, Lily's green eyes quavered, then she turned around so her back was facing him. "If that's all you're going to say, then I'm not interested."

Severus tried vainly to hide his emotion, but it didn't help. "I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath." Lily was looking at him with the utmost disgust. Severus couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes again. She sniffed. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily glared at Severus coldly, her voice dripped with ice. Severus bit his lip so hard it started to bleed.

"It's too late," she continued. "I've made excuses for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus tried to protest and tell Lily that none of what she just said was true, but his voice caught in his throat.

"I – I didn't mean –"

"You call everyone of my birth a mudblood, Severus! Why should I be any different?" Lily continued to glare, not breaking her gaze. Severus finally looked away.

"You've gone your way and I've gone mine. Goodbye and good night." Lily walked into the portrait and disappeared.

Severus cursed inwardly. He was so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He sat down on the steps outside the Gryffindor common room, furious.

Right now, Severus hated himself even more than James or Sirius. Why did he call her that? He knew. He was trying to save his own skin from the rest of the Slytherins. But life would've bearable, even if all the Slytherins hated his breath, and the Marauders never stopped taunting him, if Lily would just understand him... but he deserved; he had been trying to save his own skin. Being a cowardly Slytherin.

He could only concentrate on hate. Who did he hate? He hated Lily. He hated himself. Why, he hated everyone. This came as almost a pleasant surprise. He'd just – hate everyone, and then he wouldn't even care what they all had to say about him… yes, he should've done that a long, long time ago.

But then he realized that he really couldn't bring himself to hate Lily. Lily was just being a girl, right? But Severus was getting his hopes up. This truly was the end of their friendship. And what was the point of being at Hogwarts, then, when the last person you could trust hated you? He cared about doing well in school, but not enough that he'd want to be miserable every day. If he stopped going to Hogwarts… he wouldn't be miserable…

In a flurry of anger, Severus stood up and spun around. He knew what he would do. He'd leave Hogwarts, and go straight to Voldemort himself. If Voldemort killed him, then fine, it would end his suffering.

He stuck his hand in his robe pocket resolutely, then paused. There was a piece of paper in there. A crumpled-up paper. He pulled it out and smoothed it on his pants leg.

It was from Lily; she'd signed the bottom in that unmistakable flourish of hers. And Severus remembered - Lily had given it to him a few days before the incident. He didn't want to read it right now, so he just ripped it in half and threw it before the Fat Lady. He knew that Lily was always the first to awaken, and the first to go to breakfast, at least out of the Gryffindors. If she did care about him still, she'd see it and do something.

There, he was done. He was free to be Severus, to not be guilty, and to not care about anything. He fled out of the castle with his Slytherin robe and book of Dark Arts, which he always carried around. He ran to the train station, ready to board the train to go back to – somewhere, to find Voldemort. He prayed Dumbledore wouldn't find him first.

It seemed forever before the train from Platform 9 and ¾ came. When it did, he boarded it and said in a short voice, "Just drop me off somewhere."

The conductor looked back, and a smile played on his lips. "Alone, are ye? I'd better not tell Dumbledore, eh-"

"No! Don't," said Severus. The last thing he wanted was to go back to Hogwarts.

"Don't worry, I won't," grinned the conductor. "Yer business ain't mine, but I have one question. What's yer name, son?"

Severus hesitated. Could he trust this man? "Severus Snape."

There was silence, and then the conductor gave Severus the once-over. "Slytherin, I see." Severus realized that he was still wearing his robes.

The train lurched off, and once again Severus was left with his own thoughts. He no longer regretted calling Lily a mudblood. If Lily was really that touchy, then she and Severus's differences would have out ruled their friendship sometime. But he couldn't entirely blame it on her; it was he who had become the Death Eater. Differences.

He did miss one thing at Hogwarts, though. He missed Potions. Other classes he'd absolutely despised, pretty much, because the Marauders were in all of them. Except Potions.

The train pulled into the Muggle world, and Severus stepped off the platform. He would pretend to be a Muggle, a regular, non-magic person, for the rest of his life, or until something happened that he could not envision in his future.

Severus stumbled through the crowd until he found his way past the platform. Step two of the plan: find shelter. He could stay the night in a library somewhere – he knew Muggles had them; he used to go to them as a little kid. It would be nice and cozy, sure, but he'd risk being caught. With a robe and a book of Dark Arts, he would not look good. He took off his robe and scrunched it under his arm.

Severus managed to make his way to a park after an hour. Hunger was starting to build up in his stomach, but all he could afford to think about at the moment was a place to stay the night.

Ah, a tree. A nice big tree loomed over Severus's head.

Looking up at the fall colored leaves, he remembered sitting under a tree just like this with Lily. Everything made him think of her, and that made him think of how stupid he'd acted back at Hogwarts, and that made him not want to be there, and that made him think of Lily all over again…

Severus, beginning to chill, wrapped the robe around his thin body. He was exhausted, but well hidden. The tree he was under sat in the middle of a large, dense flower bed. Hidden by bushes, he took his Dark Arts book and began to read. However, a shouting noise disrupted him. A group of little kids were running around a swing set that was several yards away. Severus groaned. Surely Muggles weren't allowed to stay all night, were they? Or they wouldn't want to?

Severus watched the kids play for awhile. They were probably six or seven, and there were three of them. A young lady, most likely their mother, sat on a bench nearby and observed them play.

With a start, Severus remembered sitting behind a bush watching a girl fly off of a swing set when he was young. It was a strange sense of déjà-vu. He remembered, also, how out-of-place he'd felt when he was spotted. Stalking her had been a stupid idea… he closed his eyes and wrapped himself even more tightly in his baggy sweater. It was cold. Really, really cold.

* * *

><p>Severus awoke to brisk wind in his face. He was surprised no one had found him yet, but he soon realized that it was very early in the morning and nobody was in the park.<p>

The next step of life in the Muggle world was food. Severus's hunger was even worse than last night, and in his fury, he'd forgotten to bring something to eat. However, he did have a bit of wizard gold in his robe's pockets, and he thought that it might buy him something.

Severus walked across the street to browse the stores that lined the block. Already, people were gathering on the sidewalk for a new day. Only a few shops were open, but he did notice a bakery on the corner of the street, so he headed for the shop and walked inside.

An old lady was at the counter, and she seemed just as tired as he was. He asked her for a loaf of bread and handed over two Knuts for it. He hoped she wouldn't notice that it wasn't Muggle money. She took it, half-asleep, and instead of handing him one loaf, she gave him two.

He glanced quickly at the two bread loaves, and then at the lady, and back at the bread again. He could use the extra, so he dashed out of the shop before the lady realized what she'd done.

Strolling absentmindedly to a bench, Severus wondered what the next step was of living in the Muggle world. He decided to read some of his Dark Arts book, but when he noticed he was drawing several suspicious glances, he stopped.

Severus did suppose that he seemed rather odd. His hair was matted and he had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, contrasting with his pale skin. The clothes he'd worn when he left were starting to rip and streaks of dirt lined them. Before someone stopped to ask who he was, Severus disappeared into an alleyway, wishing fervently that he had an Invisibility Cloak.

Seeing as the alleyway was empty, Severus whispered a spell and lit a fire in a trash can. He was fully aware that underage wizards were not allowed to do magic in the Muggle world, but as he had nothing to do with Hogwarts or anymore, he thought that it would do him no harm.

Of course, Severus was wrong.

"Hullo, Severus, m'boy," called a voice.

Severus froze. Please, please, no, he pleaded in his mind. Don't let it be-

"If you're wondering, it's me. Dumbledore," said the voice again. "It might help you to turn around."

Doing just that, Severus's worst fears were confirmed.

"Severus," said Dumbledore kindly. "Do you understand what you are doing?"

"Yes," Severus said stubbornly. "I'm leaving Hogwarts."

"I encourage you to think twice before I make up your mind for you," smiled Dumbledore.

Severus wished that Dumbledore would stop smiling like an old bat.

"Severus, you must face who you are. I think I know more than you realize," said Dumbledore, with a small smile.

"Did you – you found it?" Gasped Severus. "How stupid am I?" Severus accidentally voiced his thoughts aloud. He clapped his hand to his mouth.

"You are not as stupid as you think," Dumbledore said. "Lily saw the note and cared enough to give it to me," he added.

"Either way, I'm not going back to Hogwarts."

Dumbledore looked at Severus, half amused, half thoughtful. "I once knew a boy just like you – a student at Hogwarts. His name was Tom. He took a path such as one you are taking, and it resulted in no good. He became evil, dark. From there, it became much worse."

Like Severus cared. He was already a Death Eater, so there wasn't much worse… "What's the point?"

"The point is that Hogwarts is the best place for you."

"Not interested."

Dumbledore sighed. "Very well. I shall have to take you back myself."

Raising his voice, Severus almost shouted, "NO! I'M NOT GOING BACK! NEVER! I hate Hogwarts!"

Ignoring the outburst, Dumbledore said, "I'm very sorry, Severus. But you have no power over me. I am taking you back. It _is _the best place for you." Dumbledore raised his wand and a blast of blue light hit Severus in the chest.

The world went black.

* * *

><p>"Severus…"<p>

Severus opened his eyes bleakly. He was in the infirmary at Hogwarts, and Madame Pomfrey was standing over him. "No!" He protested. "Dumbledore took me back!"

"Indeed he did," Madame Pomfrey said angrily. "You were in a right state then. He said you said you hated Hogwarts."

"I do!"

Madame Pomfrey gave him a withering glare. "Excuse me!" Then she held up his Slytherin robe. "I believe you need this?"

"No," said Severus, but Madame Pomfrey ignored him.

"You're welcome," she said, and added. "I think you're good to go."

Severus got up and walked away, but when he reached the door, he groaned. He would have to face the Slytherins, and even worse, the Gryffindors. What would James say?

Why did he even care? Don't be a coward. Severus told himself. I can't be a coward. He walked down the steps to the dining room.

All the students were eating dinner, but when Severus sat down, all eyes turned on him. He ignored the glances, continuing to eat. He really wasn't that hungry for some reason, but it was all he could do to keep from shriveling up.

After a few bites, attention turned away from him, and people began to talk again, although Severus was sure he was the topic of several conversations.

When the torturous dinner was done, Severus did his best do avoid everyone, especially Gryffindors. However, Severus cursed when he bumped into Lily and James in the hallway.

Severus didn't walk away this time. He intended to glare at them until they spoke.

Eventually, Lily said, "Go away, Severus."

James looked at him with utter disgust. "You mean Snivellus."

"Oh, it's you? Ugh," said Severus, pretending to notice James for the first time. His voice dripped with contempt. Then he stalked off, and when Lily and James were gone, he began to flee through the hallway to the Slytherin common room, bumping into several more students on his way. When he reached the common room, he ran up the stairs to the boy's dormitory, which was empty, and laid himself in his bed. He hugged his knees, biting his lip. Seeing James with Lily… it really _was_ the end of their friendship. Finally, he could not keep himself from crying. He let tears run freely down his face, staining his dirty robe, until he curled up and fell asleep. He was Snivellus. He hated himself more than anything.


End file.
